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It’s safe to say that for the majority of us, sex is great. It’s passionate, it’s disruptive, it’s sexy. But, after a while, sex can become quite redundant. It can lack a certain flavor. One can assimilate sex the same way they do meal prepping. Sure, it’s convenient and time efficient to eat the same thing every day — but doesn’t it remove the pleasureful zest that comes with taking a huge bite of something gooey, crunchy, salty and delicious?
Day five of the same chicken and broccoli bowl doesn’t hit as hard as the first, but adding hot sauce to the mix gives it just enough life to taste great again, and will remind you of what it means to actually enjoy again.
Spicing it up in the bedroom does the exact same thing, and adding sex restraints to the mix is a surefire way for bored lovers to reinvigorate their otherwise outdated sex lives.
No shame here, folks. If you’re having vanilla sex and loving it that’s awesome. Sex restraints simply offer a uniquely sensual way to instill new pleasures into your sex life. Adding BDSM sex toys such as the best handcuffs, bondage tape and hogties introduce new roles into an otherwise un-roled bedroom relationship, implementing both dominant and submissive characteristics on each partner depending on who is in control of the cuffs.
Today, we’re taking a deep dive into the world of sex restraints to learn what kind of unique additions these bondage toys can bring to your sex life. We’ve spoken with professional dominatrix and award-winning novelist of the thrillingly sexy mystery Take Me With You Vanessa Carlisle, PhD, MFA to discover everything you need to know regarding proper sex restraints, the best materials to use and more.
Sex Restraints and Beginners
Sure, sex restraints may sound daunting, especially if you’re looking for the best sex toys for beginners, but with the right pick, your curiosities are nothing to fear.
Carlisle has been using sex restraints for years. Although this is something they’d consider themselves extremely knowledgeable of now, it’s important to note that everyone starts somewhere. Because rarely anyone goes from vanilla sex to sex restraint user the very next day.
When beginning, sex restraints need to hit a balance between what your and your partner’s experience levels might be. “In general, less experienced players should start with restraint systems that are more flexible or pliable (such as fabric, bondage tape, or silicone easy cuffs), and are easy to take on and off,” explains Carlisle. “As you gain experience, you’ll be able to discern for yourselves if metal or heavier leather cuffs suit your taste.”
In the beginning, it’s also important that you avoid metal handcuffs. You know that one year you were a prisoner for Halloween as a child? Well, it seems that the “best” handcuffs for starting out mimic the pair you got at Party City all those years ago.
“Most of the sets made for BDSM players are either cheap and poorly made, or, “authentic” and therefore really heavy and uncomfortable for the wearer,” Carlisle mentions. “For people who are just starting out, I love a good pair of silicone cuffs.”
Silicone cuffs come without any buckles or locks, making them easy to get on and off. Like a lot of sex restraints and cheaper metal handcuffs, silicone cuffs also refuse to chafe skin, making them all around the safest option. Though, if you’re more into the world of sex restraints, these might not be for you.
“Padded leather cuffs with metal buckles are a standard item in any BDSM space, but they can be expensive and do require some specialized cleaning and care,” says Carlisle. “For this reason, I think of them as the next step up from an initial purchase of silicone cuffs, bondage tape, or other lighter forms of restraints.”
And, for those of you that consider yourself experts and want to invest in the specific pleasure given only by metal handcuffs? Well, we recommend lots and lots of practice beforehand.
The Best Sex Restraints of 2023
For lovers of the best handcuffs and sex restraints, see below for a couple of options that might pique your fancy in the bedroom. Keep in mind that levels of expertise will vary here and we have listed each as such.
BEGINNER
Quickie Cuffs Super-Strong Medium Silicone Restraints
Lightweight, waterproof, non-chaffing, and easy to get through TSA without any awkward questions. What more could you ask for? Those beginning their journey with the best handcuffs and sex restraints, look no further than a silicone pair like these Quickie Cuffs from Lovehoney to get started.
BEGINNER
Lovehoney Oh! Silky Bondage Restraints
Silicone isn’t a favorite texture of everyone, so go for silk if that isn’t the case. Silk is a familiar fabric that feels less intimidating and doesn’t chafe nearly as much as other sex restraint materials may. Given the pre-looped tips, these restraints also offer a non-fussy way to get started for heat-of-the-moment fun.
BEGINNER
Tether Skin-Friendly Bondage Tape
Carlisle recommends a fun way to start using sex restraints is by purchasing bondage tape. “It sticks to itself without tearing out hair or harming skin, and can be fun to use when securing a person to something else, like a bedpost or chair,” they tell SPY. Bondage tape like this high-quality option from Tether should always be used with a pair of safety scissors nearby for all of those just-in-case moments.
INTERMEDIATE
DOMINIX Deluxe Leather Wrist Cuffs
A step up in the world of sex restraints can be found in a pair of leather handcuffs. “Padded leather cuffs with metal buckles are a standard item in any BDSM space, but they can be expensive and do require some specialized cleaning and care,” Carlisle mentions. Because of this, they consider padded cuffs more of a “next step” item after purchasing and using silicone cuffs and other lighter materials.
INTERMEDIATE
Bondage Boutique Soft Cuff Hogtie
The hogtie is a classic restraint position that shoots a little upward from where beginners might play at. These soft cuffs won’t chafe on your skin while wearing them around the wrists and ankles, but might obviously leave you in an uncomfortable position. Like, it’s a hogtie. It’s not meant to be cozy. Thankfully, it’s complete with a quick-release clip and velcro-fastened cuffs to make it easy to break free if needed.
INTERMEDIATE
Under The Bed Restraint System
These may err more expert than intermediate due to their design and the degree of restraint, but we’re throwing them at you anyway. These padded cuffs restrain both the arms and legs by attaching to the underside of your bed. They definitely have a daunting feel to them, so be sure to implement a safe word just in case the position doesn’t feel as sexy as you intended it to. Get these for 45% off when using code TAKE45 at checkout.
EXPERT
VIPERTEK Professional Grade Handcuffs
Though we would normally not suggest purchasing sex restraints or handcuffs on Amazon, this is a superior pair from the enormous retailer we definitely recommend. Folks reviewing these cuffs express that they’re extremely heavy-duty and impossible to get out of. Each pair is built with a double locking system, making them in no way made for beginners.
EXPERT
Penny’s Secrets Ultra Heavy Handcuffs
Already been practicing with some of the above options? You might be looking for something a little more… eclectic. These “authentic” cuffs are a lot harder and heavier to wear, and more expensive as well. Carlisle mentions metal cuffs fulfilling a specific sensation metal lovers enjoy so if that’s your shtick, then this heavy-duty metal pick might be ideal for you.
EXPERT
The Stockroom Padded Suspension Cuffs
So, you’ve done the whole bed sex restraint one too many times, haven’t you? Consider the ceiling this time around. These suspension cuffs are designed to hang subs directly from the ceiling for a BDSM experience that we only suggest experts play around with. Given, well, the fact you or your partner will be hanging from the ceiling, this act can get pretty dangerous. Make sure you know what you’re getting into.